My thoughts...

I am going to take this oppertunity to try and sort some things out, and those of you who are older and wiser than I, (which is pretty much all of you) I would really appreciate your advice.

I have never felt so confused in my life. I absolutely love the life I have made here. And honestly, thats what I have done. I came here knowing absolutely no one, and now have a wonderful circle of friends, a great job, and am moving in with a new family closer to the city in July. I have made this little life for myself, and I am very, very scared to leave it. I know I still have a month and a half here, and that a lot can change in that time, but right now, I really dont want to leave. I am scared to go home and be pushed into a world where people dont understand me anymore and dont know what i have been through. I feel like I have two different lives, and I dislike feeling so divided.

After LA term, I was absoluetly certain that i wanted to live in the city after I graduate. But now, Im not so sure. Seeing how Solidarios works makes me want to see NGO´s from all over the world. The love and hope they give people is amazing, and I want to experience the love I see here in other places as well. As difficult as it has been, I have fallen in love all over again with cultures, and want to learn and experience as many as I can. But what does that mean? Basically my question is what the heck am I going to do when I graduate? The first question is deciding between the world and LA.

Basically, I know that when I go back to school life as it were starts again, and that scares me. I feel so free here, and even though I have a ton of homework, I have never had so much time to just learn on my own and at my own pace. I dont want to make decisions, and I dont want to be asked what I am going to do when i graduate. I feel like for the past few years I have been trying to convince everyone that I am an adult, and now I dont want to be one. Today when I was thinking about all of this and thinking about leaving, I started crying. The future has always been so far away, and its getting closer now, and im scared that I wont be ready for it.

Basically I just need some peace, because I really dont have to figure out any of this right now, but it just bothers me that I dont know what i want. for those of you who really know me, youre probably surprised to read that, because I always know what i want. But now Im really confused, and uncomfortable with that confusion. I dont want to make a mistake, and I dont want to regret not doing something.

I appreciate all of you who read this, it is a huge comfort to know youre along with me through this. Any and all thoughts are appreciated!

A day to remember...

Let me first just say thank you to all of you! Even though I am very far away from most of you, I have never had a birthday where I felt so loved by the people who care about me! Thanks for all of your comments and emails, they meant the world to me!

Ill let you know what went on that night! Earlier in the day my parents gave me a beautiful dress to wear with a pin that said 21! I was also greeted by my aunt an uncle with a boquet of roses. So first we went to a French restaurant called El Bistro, which I had found earlier that day, and after looking at the menu for about 5 seconds decided we would go there. We had wonderful wine, and for starters an appetizer that is called croquets, basically it was bree cheese with a crispy outside, drizzeled with honey. YUM! Then I had steak with bernaise and asparagus....again, YUM! It was absolutely delicious! We then moved on to a jazz club where we sat, had some drinks, and listened to a spanish jazz band with a trumpet, trombone, and drums. They were great! They even sang in English! Then my parents and sis accompianed me to a dance club where a bunch of my friends came to hang out! they had about one beer and then decided to leave, cause it was about 130 at that point, but it was great cause they got to meet a ton of my friends. We had a few drinks and then at about 3 we left for a discoteca, which was awesome! I think we left there around 5 am, cause i had to stay at my friends´house cause the metro doesnt start till 6am. But yea, it was absolutely a day I will never forget!

Tomorrow I am really excited because my internship is participating in an event to count all of the homeless people in Madrid. This is an amazing oppertunity for me and my research! I have been learning a lot, and am excited to start writing my paper in July.

This Sunday i meet up with my parents again and were off to Barcelona and Lisboa! I am so excited you dont even know! I have had two friends from home go to Lisbon, and both of them have told me how Portuguese I look! I am so excited to get in touch with a part of my ancestry, to see the culture that my grandparents came from!

There are a bunch of new pics up, and I know I have to say this or else Ill get in trouble, but Mere took some of them! There is also a great pic of my mom and dad that you should see.

What Ive learned: you have to live every moment to the fullest! I already feel like my time here is slipping away! I want to take advantage of every oppertunity that i have here, and am excited to keep learning.

Paz y Amor,
Kelly

Mi Cumpleanos!

Its my birthday! haha, my parents, aunt and uncle, and sister are here to help me celebrate! Were about to go out for some drinks, then get some dinner, then go to a jazz club for some musica, and then im off with my friends to go dancing! Itll be an awesome night! 

Mere took me to Toledo the other day, ill be sure to put up some pics soon! 

Love you all!

It finally happened...!

So the day has finally come! The day I have been waiting for. I was sitting on the bus, on my way home from my internship, and a guy got on. I was only halfway paying attention when it suddenly dawned on me. I knew everything that they had talked about! The conversation was short, only about where the guy was going and a little more, but it was fluid in my head! Usually if I dont pay close attention, I might as well not listen at all, because if I come into a conversation halfway I cant comprehend it. But the guy said something about a street that is close to the one that I live on, and amongst my other thoughts I thought, hey, I know where that is. And I surprised myself because I hadnt been trying to understand! I hope you all understand how monumental this is!!!! haha.

I want to help you guys understand a little of the culture here. I have been having a little bit of difficulty with it, and am struggling with how much of my own culture I am really able to change. For example, people here touch a lot. I mean a lot a lot. I was at a bar the other day with some friends, and one of them asked me, ¨Whats wrong? Why are you so tense?¨ And it was only then that I realized that I had my shoulders hunched up because there was barely any space! But I didnt realize it before that I was trying to take up as little space so that there might be some space around me. But can I really help that? Or can I change it? I am not sure. Its not wrong that I like my space, and that I dont really enjoy strangers touching me. But if I really wanted to, could I become comfortable with it? Im not sure. It is a strange place though. This is a city where they touch you all the time, (I have had ladies get my attention by grazing my chest!) but they dont smile! I walk around, and when I make eye contact with people I smile. Here, people dont. Apparently they can basically be sitting in my lap but they cant smile! What is up with that?!

The other thing that is very interesting to me is the significance of the house. It is a very private place! Its very different from houses in the US, which are made for people to come and hang out at. The house is for everyone, all friends and family. Here, people dont hang out in the house. There have been times where Belen will have a visitor, and their whole 20 minute conversation takes place in the hallway, not in the spacious comfortable living room. My friend came over because he is going to take one of the baby rabbits when they get older, and he was really nervous about coming into the house. I had to force him to see the whole house, not just the kitchen where the bunnies are, because he kept saying, no, its your house, I shouldnt, no. And I was like, its ok, seriously, come see the balconey!!! Its a little strange for me, because these people hang out with each other till 6am every weekend, but they dont visit each others houses! Its not wrong at all, its just a different culture, and I am just trying to get used to it.

Other than that, everything is great! I went to segovia this past weekend, which was awesome, cause they have the ancient aquaducts there. Spain has a beautiful countryside! I will put up the pics tomorrow.

Hope this finds you all well!

Love, Kelly

I cant stop smiling.....

So this week kinda sucked cause I was really sick. I am currently taking amoxocillian because my lymph nodes swelled up and it hurt really bad to swallow. My whole body ached... it was terrible. But with my medicine and the 600mg ibuprophens that Belen gave me I feel much better!

Im not sure what it was, but this week changed a lot of things for me. Belen was really great and took care of me, and all of my friends here were messaging and calling me to make sure that I was ok. My professor told us that when we got here we would have to create our own social network, and I guess i did it kinda sub-consciously, because I have! And it feels so great! I know that I love my home and my friends and family back there, but even when I was sick, I couldnt really feel sad! And this is kinda strange for me. For those of you who know me really well, you know when im upset I kinda sit in it for awhile until I get through it. One example of this is that I´ll listen to really depressing mucic, because it usually makes me feel better. You know, to know that someone else knows how I feel. But lately I cant even do that! Even when people arent around I have a smile on my face! And I love music, so i always make playlists for different aspects of my life, and my playlist for being here is completly full of energizing, lively, yet meaninful, songs. Its great! Its joy... I think i finally have figured out the difference between being happy and being joyful. No im not that happy, cause I cant drink or eat ice cream for 8 days!!! But my soul is full of joy because of all the love and support I have not only here but back home too.

If that all wasnt enough, I also couldnt sleep a wink last night because my sister surprised me that she will be here next thursday!!!! I literally laid in bed, trying to sleep, laughing because I was so excited.

Oh, and the rabbit that is in our house is going to have babies. Ah my life in Spain!

I love you all a lot!!!

Dancing Country, bacon, and forgeting English!

As I sit back and think about this last month, all I can say is that it has been a serious whirlwind! Getting here was difficult, and really stressful, but I realized yesterday that before I got here I had had acid reflex all semester, and I haven’t had it at all since I got here. And its strange, cause in some ways I feel like a completely different person, and in some ways I feel like I am exactly the same. Its been equally amazing and wonderful as it has been hard. I do feel lonely sometimes, but its been great to live with Belen and Clara, because I really feel like I am a part of their family now. The other day Belen asked me what kind of music I like, and I told her country (you try to explain to someone in a different language what Indie and Emo music is) and she got a huge smile on her face. She told me she loves country, and asked me if I knew how to dance to it. I said yea, not really thinking about it, and when we got home she insisted that I bring my computer, play some country, and teach her to dance. Now, for those who have had the “pleasure” of dancing with me, you know that it is quite a sight and there probably isn’t much else like it. Despite this, I decided line dancing would be the easiest, and put on some Kenny and showed her. She loved it! (granted, she also loves saying the English word washing machine)

Cultures are so amazing, and its insane how we constantly walk into different ones thinking that our way is the best. The washing machine is in the kitchen here in Spain, which I just think is crazy, but its completely normal for people here. And they eat this ham…ugh…its called jamon Serrano, and I swear, its raw. I mean, its not, but its really see through, and it has a texture that I cant bite with my teeth! I feel like a cave person when I eat it, because it wont tear! So the other night I decided that this is our bacon, and Im not sure what they do with it, but all I have to do is fry it up a bit and Ill be set. Well. Lets just say Clara and Belen ran into the kitchen wondering what I was cooking because smoke filled the house. I didn’t burn anything, but I don’t think they are used to things being fried. (sad, I know!!) then Belen fell over laughing when she found out I was frying the ham. To her, it was like I took a piece of deli meat and fried it up (something we would not usually do). Anyway, it was bomb, and they both loved it, and I put it on some bread with some chicken (of course, mom) and cheddar cheese. YUM-O! Belen then proceeded to tell me that yes, they have bacon, and that this is normal ham and im not supposed to fry it up. She was like, if you want bacon, ill get you some bacon! It was pretty funny, but now I don’t know what to do cause I have 2 packets of that ham stuff and I cant eat it the way it is! It even has sections of white fat on it… and is cut length wise. Seriously…its bacon.

I watch Spanish tv, and even though I understand about 2% of it (they talk way too fast) I have found one show that I really love. It’s a Spanish cooking show, and the old man on it wears white crocs, silly decorated pajama pants, and the white coat with the really tall hat on. Imagine it! And he sings when he cooks. Its great. Well, I guess I was loving it until the other day when he brought out the meat of a rabbit, which was still in the shape of a rabbit, and then cut off its head. I changed the channel, and will watch again when hes making tortillas or something.

I cant believe that its already June! Its crazy. Time has gone by really fast here, and when I think about leaving, I already miss this place! I put up some pictures from this past weekend when my friends and i went to a festival, which was basically a fair. Except instead of corn dogs and french fries, they have buckets of cold vegetables that have been soaking in vinegar. ick. But, they also have churros which are really really yummy.

The last thing Ill tell you is that I am having a hard time thinking in English! My friend was asking me about the expression ¨better now than never¨, and i knew what he was saying, but for the life of me I couldnt say it in English. I couldnt remember how the words went! It was ridiculous! And even now as I look at it Im not exactly sure that thats how you say the phrase.

I hope you are enjoying the summer! Hopefully the sun will come to Madrid, I still have not worn shorts once!

ps, and dad, they have the same saying here once on the lips forever on the hips!!!

Beso!